


Half A Man

by ApolloLoki97



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Daryl Dixon imagine, Daryl is sad, F/M, Hurt Daryl Dixon, Post Rick leaving, Song fic, pre season 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26306983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApolloLoki97/pseuds/ApolloLoki97
Summary: Set two years after Rick Grimes blew up the bridge to save the communities, Daryl is living in the woods alone. Daryl and the reader had been in a relationship since just after Terminus and for two years she has given him space. However, there is only so much both of them can take and so she goes in search of him.----Or when the reader tries to bring Daryl home. Based on Half a Man by Dean Lewis.
Relationships: Daryl Dixon/Reader, Daryl Dixon/You
Kudos: 22





	Half A Man

> _I was wrong to say I loved her **  
> **_
> 
> _I was wrong to think I’m right_
> 
> _But when I told her it was over_
> 
> _My darling I had lied_

The thick woods of Virginia were like navigating a labyrinth.

With all the overgrowth, the once familiar woods were starting to look like a whole other world. You had gotten used to trekking through the deep woods, but when you were distracted, it was never easy. The Walkers were also not ideal, especially this far from the roads that lead to each community. 

When you had left your lonely home in Alexandria that morning, you hadn’t told anyone where you were going. However, the look on Rosita’s face as she watched you exit the gate from her spot on watch, told you she knew exactly where your head was at. 

> _I’ve been running from my demons_
> 
> _Afraid to look behind_

It had been two years since Rick had sacrificed himself on the bridge. It had also been two years since Daryl Dixon left to be alone in the woods in hopes of finding his brother. You had been supportive at first and you still were, but every time you woke up alone in the bed the two of you once shared, your heart ached.

> _I’ve been running from myself_
> 
> _Afraid of what I’d find_

You had met Daryl the day he and his brother had entered the camp at the quarry. You were best friends with Glenn and had followed him after the world had turned for the worse. Glenn was wary of the Dixons, but you had got on with them almost immediately, dodging Merle’s annoying comments with a laugh and connecting with the quieter brother whenever you got the chance.

It didn’t take long for the two of you to grow closer and by the time the group had found the Greene farm, you and Daryl were nearly inseparable. The romantic relationship didn’t start until after you had reunited after the horrors of Terminus and from then on, you made a promise to him that no matter where you were, you would always find each other. 

> _But how am I supposed to love you_
> 
> _When I don’t love who I am?_
> 
> _And how can I give you all of me_
> 
> _When I’m only half a man?_

Then, the war with the Saviors had happened and Daryl had been taken. It was obvious to everyone in your family that he was pulling away. You understood and you didn’t. You hadn’t been the one locked in the Sanctuary and tortured. You did, however, understand what it felt like to lose a brother. When Negan had brutally murdered Glenn in front of you as you tried to keep Maggie from collapsing, it felt as if someone had torn out your heart. 

> _Cause I’m a sinking ship that’s burning_
> 
> _So let go of my hand_
> 
> _Oh, how can I give you all of me_
> 
> _When I’m only half a man?_

It became clear to you after everything that had happened with the Saviors and then with Rick, that you and Daryl were never going to be the way you once were. However, that didn’t make you stop loving him. He lived in your mind and no matter what you were doing or who you were with, you were always thinking about the man you loved. Which is how you found yourself stumbling over roots and rocks to find him in his wooded getaway.

> _And now I’m stuck in this hotel room_
> 
> _By cold neon light_

You made it to the river as Carol had suggested and followed it down. It didn’t take long to hear the groans of Walkers which you had anticipated. Following the sounds of death, you finally found them as they were tangled in some sort of wired contraption. It also didn’t take you long to recognize it as Daryl’s work.

He had been the one to teach you and the rest of the group about how to make the larger snares for the Walkers. They worked perfectly for when you were all on the road after Terminus and before Alexandria. You dispatched the rotting creatures quickly, your knife sliding into their skulls with ease. You pulled the corpses from their traps and made sure the snares were reset before continuing on. 

> _I’ve been waiting for an answer_
> 
> _But it don’t come tonight_

A cold breeze rustled the trees causing you to shiver slightly. It would be winter soon and you couldn’t stop thinking about him all alone out here in the snow. Hell, you didn’t even like the thought of _Negan_ alone in the cold cell either. You had been guilty over the past couple of years giving him extra blankets and such without Michonne’s knowledge. You figured Gabriel knew it was you, but he had never said anything. It wasn’t until last year that Judith started helping you. Regardless of what he had done, you didn’t wish the man to freeze to death. 

After walking for a bit longer, you finally smelled the burning of wood, a familiar scent after all these years. You could see his makeshift camp from your spot in the trees. When he had left initially you knew he was running from his demons by living out here, but you had never expected for it to go on this long. 

Stepping out of the tree line, you were met with the tip of a crossbow bolt. You stared wide-eyed at it as you tried to keep your breathing steady.

 _“(Y/N)?”_ Daryl gasped as he quickly lowered his bow. “Dammit, I could’ve killed ya!”

“Yeah, let’s not do that,” you said, blinking quickly. He tossed his weapon down and turned away from you. You drank in the sight of him. He was still Daryl, but his hair was longer, mangy, and he had a few new scars on his face and hands. Your hands ached to reach out and push his hair off his face to see those beautiful blue eyes of his, but you remained where you were. “Daryl,” you began, but he shook his head. 

“Go away,” he muttered.

“No,” you countered, stepping further into his camp. “I’ve given you space, Daryl, but I am _done_ avoiding this.” 

“Leave! Go back to Alexandria,” he snapped, kicking out at a stack of firewood. He was still keeping his back turned to you. 

“Dammit Daryl!” you swore going over to him. “Would you just look at me please?” It took him a second, but eventually he turned and faced you. After another moment, he finally looked at you, his eyes finding yours. “Aren’t you even a _bit_ happy to see me?” you asked. 

Daryl sighed and shook the hair from his face. “Of course, I am,” he said quietly, “but I can’t do this right now.” 

“Right,” you said. “I thought you were done pushin’ people away.”

“I thought I was too,” Daryl admitted. You could still see the hurt in his eyes, almost as if Rick was haunting him through and through.

“It’s been two years,” you whispered. “ _Please_ , Daryl, come home.” Daryl shook his head as he pushed away from you. Keeping your distance, you watched as he paced, his boots digging into the soft earth. 

“I can’t face ‘em,” he said. “I can’t face… _her_.” He looked at you with sadness and you knew who he meant. 

“Michonne doesn’t blame you,” you promised. 

“I blame myself! I shouldn’t have let him go lead that horde by himself! I ain’t meant to be here. It should’ve been me by his side,” Daryl said and you ignored the pang in your chest.

“What about Judith, huh? Or RJ?” you tried. 

“Don’t,” he warned, pointing his finger at you, but you didn’t back down. 

“They look up to. Judith, especially, and then you go and disappear on her after she’s lost her father? And what about Aaron? Or hell, have you even _been_ to see Carol?” you hadn’t realized you were yelling until he had flinched at the volume. You quickly stopped and controlled yourself. “I know you go to Hilltop for supplies.” The last time you had visited and Enid had mentioned Daryl, you were hurt, but had tried to brush it off the best you could. 

“Ya don’t get it,” he said. 

“Then _explain_ it to me,” you pleaded, “because I can’t keep waking up every mornin’ and wonderin’ where you are or if you’re even still alive.”

> _And every bottle I had stolen_
> 
> _Lay shattered on the floor_
> 
> _What’s broken can’t be whole, anymore_

“I’m broken, (Y/N),” he said with a shrug.

“That’s bullshit,” you countered quickly. 

_“Is it?”_ he asked, stepping closer to you. 

“Fractured,” you reminded him, “but never broken. Don’t you remember that?” He paused as the memory flew across his mind. It was something you had said to him after the day at the farm when Sophia had come out of Herschel’s barn. Daryl had said that Carol had broken, but you assured him that she wasn’t. She was _fractured_ , but she was never _broken_. It was something that you both continued to say throughout your time together. Especially after Merle and Beth died. At one point, it had offered him comfort and you only hoped that it did now. 

“You remember my sister?” you continued. He looked away from you, but you pushed on. “She saved us when those Walkers overwhelmed the prison. She _died_ protecting Beth and Carl and you helped me through it then and _every_ loss afterwards. Why won’t you let me help you? Why won’t you let me in anymore?”

> _But how am I supposed to love you_
> 
> _When I don’t love who I am_

“I’m not the same, I ain’t right,” he said. 

“People change, Daryl. You don’t think I get that? I’m not the same person I was _five_ years ago let alone when all of this shit started. It took me a while to adjust to the new normal and fight for the future, but _you_ helped me to do it. Not my sister, _you_. _You_ are my person.” Daryl was shaking his head again. 

> _And how can I give you all of me_
> 
> _When I’m only half a man_

“I don’t wanna drag ya down,” he said. You slowly reached out to take his hand and when he didn’t pull away, you gripped it in yours. 

“Who says that’ll happen? I know my limits, Daryl,” you told him. “You _can’t_ tell me you’re happy out here,” you said softly.

“Of course not!” he yelled and snatched his hand back. Your palm stung from the absence of his touch. “Dammit, (Y/N)! I hate it, but this my life. Ya think I don’t feel bad about what I did to ya? Leavin’ ya like that? Yer always in my head woman!” 

> _Cause I’m a sinking ship that’s burning_
> 
> _So let go of my hand_
> 
> _Oh, how can I give you all of me_
> 
> _When I’m only half a man?_

His declaration shot through you and all you wanted to do was take him in your arms, but there was still that solid wall between the two of you. One that you weren’t sure how to break through. “Daryl,” you tried, but he kept going. 

“Everywhere I go, I’m lookin’ for ya. No matter _what_ I’m doin’. Ya wanna know _why_ I go to Hilltop? I go because Jesus told me he looks out for ya! Ya say yer always wonderin’ if I’m still alive? Well so am I.” 

“Then come home,” you said again. 

“I can’t,” he said with pleading eyes, begging you to understand. “I ain’t… _whole_ without him.” Daryl fell to his knees and you joined him on the ground as he hung his head.

You didn’t know what to say. You never wanted him to feel like this. Rick Grimes was the one person who never turned his back on Daryl. Probably the first person to ever treat him as an equal in his life. Even before the two of you were together, you knew that you would never have the bond the two brothers had. It was something too special to replicate. “I can’t fix myself,” he said. “How am I suppose to love ya?”

“There’s _nothing_ to fix,” you told him, carefully. “It was never hard for us, Daryl. Don’t you remember when you went lookin’ for Beth? That was the first time you kissed me as we said goodbye. You told me that there was no guarantee we’d see each other again, but I _knew_ you would come back. Then after Negan took you,” his eyes fell closed at the memory, “I knew you’d come back to me then too. That is how much _faith_ I have in us. You can leave me for a decade and I will _still_ love you.”

> _And no one can ever hurt me_
> 
> _Like I’ve hurt myself_

“Don’t ya get it?” he asked, but his tone was much softer now. “How can I give ya all of me when I ain’t even myself anymore? It’s all too much pain,” he laughed bitterly. “And now? Nobody else can hurt me when I’ve screwed myself up.” 

“Not true,” you disagreed, “You’re hurtin’ yourself, D.” You reached up and take his face in your hands. He visibly relaxed at your touch and you nearly cried as he leaned into your palms. You leaned forward and rested your forehead against his as the tears flowed from your eyes. 

> _‘Cause I’m made out of stone_
> 
> _And I’m beyond help_
> 
> _Don’t give your heart to me_

“Please,” he whispered, “ _please_ don’t love me.”

“I do,” you said through your tears.

“No.”

“I never stopped, Daryl Dixon.” He pulled back from you, taking your wrists and removing your hands from his face. 

“Everyone around me dies,” he said. “Merle, Beth, Glenn, Carl! Now Rick! Who’s next? Judith? Aaron? _You?”_

“None of it was your fault, Daryl,” you said.

“It is, I shoulda done _more_ ,” he said. His hair fell into his face and you reached out to smooth it away. 

“You’re not God, Daryl. You’re just one man. A man that I, and many others, love. Why can’t you see that?” Daryl shook his head, trying to lean away, but you placed your hands on his shoulders, holding him in place. 

> _But how am I supposed to love you_
> 
> _When I don’t love who I am?_
> 
> _And how can I give you all of me_
> 
> _When I’m only half a man?_

“I’m not enough for ya.” 

“That is not up for you to decide,” you said plainly. 

“(Y/N)…”

“No, just listen to me. I don’t blame you for anything. Beth was _not_ your fault; _Merle_ was not your fault; and Rick was _definitely_ not your fault. What he did, he did to protect all of us. To make sure that Carl’s dream was fulfilled. Rick wanted us to be a new kind of world and so he did what he had to make sure we could still be that, that we could build something special. I don’t know what he would think if he saw how separated we all are now, but I do know that he wouldn’t want you to be out here alone chasing ghosts.

“On our first night in Alexandria, do you know what he said to me?” Daryl shook his head. “Rick told me that he would do _anything_ to make sure you saw a happy ending. I am not about to let him down, are you?” A tear flowed down his cheek and you caught it with your thumb. “You’re not lost, Daryl, and I am not leaving here until you get that through that thick skull of yours.” 

Daryl broke down in front of you then, keeling over. You caught him as he leaned into you. His arms snaked around you and you held him. “I miss him so much,” he whispered and your heart broke at the words. Holding him tighter, you ran your hands down his back, trying to rub some warmth back into his soul. 

The fire crackled next to you as Daryl Dixon lay in your arms. When you had decided to go looking for him that morning, you had never imagined that this is the man you would find. “I miss him too,” you whispered. Daryl clutched at your back and you were reminded of the last time you had hugged him like this. It was when you were reunited at Hilltop after he had escaped the Sanctuary. You missed holding him like this and you never wanted to let go. 

> _'Cause I’m a sinking ship that’s burning_
> 
> _So let go of my hand_

“I haven’t found his body,” Daryl said. 

“I know and I am not saying we give up, but _God_ , I need you,” you admitted. Daryl sat up at your words and hope entered his eyes. 

“It ain’t gonna be easy,” he said and then trailed his hand up your neck, holding it gently. 

“I know,” you said, your own hand covering his. 

“I can’t face Michonne,” he said again. 

“We’ll talk to her together,” you promised. Daryl let out a breath and then leaned in to kiss you. Your lips met his and you melted. It was the best hello you could have ever asked for. “I love you,” you said as you broke the kiss. 

“I love you too. Never stopped and never will.”

“No matter what, Daryl, if you think you’re a sinkin’ ship, then honey, I ain’t ever letting go of your hand.” Daryl swiped at his own tears as he pulled you back into another kiss. You knew that the two of you had a long road ahead of you, but you were willing to take every step as long as he was by your side. Even if he thought he was only half the man he once was, to you, he was the only thing that made you feel whole. 

> _So let go of my hand_
> 
> _And how can I give you all of me_
> 
> _When I’m only half a man?_


End file.
